Grammar Girl: Writing Concisely (Part 1)

The most influential writing advice I ever got was also the most frustrating. That advice: "write concisely". I thought my professor was telling me to cut out all my lovely descriptive passages! killing my creative expression! and making my sentences short and lifeless! My students seemed to think so, too. But I made sure to point out to them that writing concisely isn't about brevity. What it is about is this: making every word count.

You know when you hang too many ornaments on your Christmas tree so that when you step back, you can't see the individual elements underneath all the holiday vomit? Some would argue you can get away with it on trees. But not so much in writing. Because too much of a good thing weakens your message, and inevitably the power of your voice is lost. Every word, every paragraph, every scene, every character needs to be adding something of value to your writing. Otherwise it's just beauty and grace hidden underneath a giant blob of tinsel.

Concise writing is something that you can flag-post in the editing process if you're paying attention. My students can usually pick out which sentences aren't "working" in terms of conciseness, but they struggle to pinpoint why. So here are some items that have helped my students (and me) do just that:

1. Let your subject and verb come closer together. Sometimes moving your actor/agent and your verb closer together (and closer to the beginning of your sentence) will help make your sentences more direct and your emphasis clearer. You see this a lot in the use of passive voice. For example:

"The zombie had its head cut off by me with a long sword." (13 words) Revised: "I cut the zombie's head off with my sword." (9 words)

2. Turn nouns into verbs. Often nominalisation (turning verbs into nouns) makes for weak, confusing sentence structure. Try turning them back into verbs. For example:

"The realization that I had cut off the zombie's head made for the actualization of my dreams." (17) Revised: "I realized that cutting off the zombie's head actualized my dreams." (11)

3. Take our empty words or phrases. This also includes implied knowledge. I can't tell you how many times I crossed "In my opinion", and "all things considered" out of students papers. You know why? Because it's implied. Those phrases add nothing to your sentences. They're tinsel fillers that are taking up precious real estate on your tree. For example:

"In my opinion, Barack Obama still kicks some major ass, all things considered." (13) Revised: "Barack Obama still kicks some major ass." (7 words)

4. Avoid cliches and jargon. Cliches have their place and, sometimes, they can be useful. But they're called cliches because they're tired. They make your reader think, "haven't I read this somewhere before?" Because they have--lots of times. Great if that's what you're going for. Not so good if you're going for 'fresh'. In my opinion, the only place jargon belongs is in political speeches. And it kind of sucks there, too. If you're writing to say what you mean and make that meaning clear, jargon is not your friend. Not in government documents. Not in specialist journals. Nope, not anywhere. For example:

"We continue to stand behind the pillars of democratic values as we look to lift the currency of foreign opinions and esteem." Revised: "... sorry, what?"

Characters That Bite

This lovely post by my best friend Eve got me all kinds of excited about TrueBlood. Not that it's out in Australia or anything: no, we're the last kid picked for the HBO series team. I love what Alan Ball has done with the Sookie Stackhouse series; the show, and the novels that inspired them, were the fantastical fluff that got me through my last semester of grad school. I just finished book #10 in the series and was struck, once again, by the kind of loyalty certain characters can inspire. It fascinates me that you can actually say to someone "Team Bill or Eric?" and have them nod sagely and give you an actual answer.

Say what you will about Charlaine Harris or Stephanie Meyer, you can't deny that they've created characters that almost literally jump from the page and into the waiting arms of their many many fans.

So what it is about these characters (OK, besides the blatantly obvious) that inspires so much fervor? What is it about any fictional character that makes them feel tangible, even lovable? What makes us cry for them, laugh with them, want to throw food at them (or eat it off of them)? For me, it's always about their voice. I'm nothing like Harris's Sookie - in fact, she drives me crazy half of the time - but I love experiencing the world through her particular voice. I can feel her attitude in every word she says, so much so that it makes her feel familiar. I'd love to create characters like that, ones that make you want to reach out and touch them.

Until then, I'll borrow this one.

Going To Rainbow

I had the chance to go to Rainbow Beach last weekend, a beautiful, quiet beach lined by huge sand blows. I stayed there with a girlfriend, Misty, which was a welcome infusion of estrogen. It's been so long since I enjoyed a girls weekend. We ate and drank (well, she's pregnant - I drank) and talked, talked, talked. It gave me a chance to think about what I want to accomplish in the remainder of the year. So I'm saying it here (thus making it more likely that I'll actually do it): I'm going to finish editing Spellbound by my birthday and novel #2 by Christmas. Take that, full-time employment.

Now, on to some pictures. I've been having a lot of fun playing with my new camera. Misty is an awesome photographer, so I got to pick her brain and learn about depth of field and manual shooting.

Attempting to play with depth of field. (I call it my 'go balls deep' picture.)

Storm clouds over the sand blow. We climbed one of these and the view was spectacular.

One of the most beautiful pregnant women ever.

Someone Ate My May

... it's been three weeks since I last blogged?.... really? My calendar must be lying to me. I'm almost three months into my first big-girl editing gig and I'm STILL struggling to 'find the time'. Granted, my editor decided to go and have babies a week and a half ago, leaving me to pretend to know what I'm doing at her desk. But I mean really- where are all of these days going? I'm feeling slightly swallowed alive. (I am alive, by the way, dear friends whom I haven't spoken to in many weeks but that I love deeply.)

I could bore you with more complaints about full-time employ, but I think I'll tell you about my new camera instead.

I bought my first SLR yesterday! It's a Canon Rebel T1i 500d, the first digital camera I've invested in that hasn't just been point-and-shoot. I've always loved taking pictures. I took a photography class in high school that has always stayed with me. I loved going out and exploring through a lens, then watching the photos take shape beneath my hands. My teacher was a little old lady who really liked photos of puppies. Most of my pictures were of old headstones. She wasn't a fan.

Since I started traveling, I've found myself wanting a camera that could do... well, more. I can't tell you how many times in the past few years I've taken a picture of a breathtaking vista, looked at my camera's screen and gone, "You just don't quite get it." I'm working my way through the manual (Moby Dick, anyone?) and am looking forward to learning the manual settings as I go. Here are a couple of the practice shots I've taken:

Brisbane as seen from the Cliffs at Kangaroo Point.

Manfriend looking model-y.

Lilies from Manfriend in dim lighting.

I'm AMAZED by the difference in quality. These were photos I shot on automatic settings without knowing what I was doing, and I still think they turned out pretty OK. The camera shoots hi-res video, too, so maybe you'll even get to suffer through a video montage of me doing something silly in the not-far-distant future. Who knows? More to come!

New Jobs and Paychecks and CARS, Oh My!

I've driven a lot of junk heaps in my time.

First, there was the 1983 baby-blue reliant. The same car that featured in the 'drive-by shooting' scene of some teen flick that was popular at the time (Save The Last Dance, maybe?). Oh, how I wish I had access to my old photo collection so that I could show you how absurd this vehicle was for a 16 year old girl... for a girl... for anyone, really. It was a massive box of an old man car (and was, in retrospect, a safe car to drive, even if it did take 10 minutes to warm up in winter and shuddered dubiously every time it was started up. When it obliged to start up at all).

While it may sound as if this car couldn't have gotten much more glorious, it could. I had to tape black garbage bags over the right side windows after they got shot out by some rich kid's bb gun. They would flap loudly in the breeze at any speed- I got pointed to and laughed at when I pulled up to lights (why it didn't occur to me to cling wrap them so I could actually see around right-hand curves is beyond me).

That car saw me drive myself into my first accident- well, me and half of my best friend's family, when I drove us all (slowly, mind you) over the small icy bridgeway and down into a dry, rocky creek (I'd estimate it was maybe a six-foot plunge). The car flipped in excruciatingly slow motion onto its back like a fallen turtle, leaving us all hanging awkwardly upside-down from our seat belts. The absurdity was exacerbated by the fact that all of my paraphernalia- bras, shin guards, old bags of chips- were hanging like ornaments from every open door and window. It because the Charlton's "favorite Christmas ornament" and sat there for weeks like a giant blue matchstick.

I could go on about the cars that I had after that- my favorite (oh yes, that was meant to be sarcastic) being the gold Volvo with the crank sun-roof- but you get the idea. They were all pretty awful, but they all (more or less) worked. And it is because of those cars that I am so excited about THIS one:

This 2008 Swift is my first new car. My first self-funded car. My first flashy conveyor to freedom. And I think that's worthy of a blog post.